Name:
Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Friday, August 11, 2006

trust

Today is traditional day at work
so I’m in a gorgeous red saree
wearing gold bangles and earrings
and a necklace, looking so lovely

yet I’m feeling disturbed and distracted
and very conscious of myself
as not many girls have worn a saree

my colleague, Shraddha,
who looks very simple and sweet
on the other hand, is so very cool
she neither needs any attention
nor seeks approval from anyone

she is totally into herself
focused in her and
feeling good of herself
while I’m still struggling
with my discomfort due to
lack of trust in myself

5 Comments:

Blogger The Beast said...

Lack of trust or lack of self-confidence?

9:44 PM, August 12, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

maybe both.

10:52 PM, August 12, 2006  
Blogger The Beast said...

Appears like people in your office blind…. Nobody came up and complimented such a lovely looking lady. I feel pity for them.

At the same time, I don’t know what makes you feel this way.

12:06 AM, August 13, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Oh no, the people in the office were very kind to me. Showered me with compliments till my face went all red and guys were staring at me so much when i was leaving for the day I ended up asking them 'if they are O.K and have recovered';)
Infact, I had a great day.

What I'm expressing here is not a miserable feeling which haunted me throughout the day. I'm very sensitive towards joy and happiness and the slightest emotion in me which takes me away from my natural state of 'bliss', (in which i bask most of the time), is analysed by me. I try to identify what beliefs I am harbouring which is causing me to doubt my own sense of joy and grace.

This is what I felt when i reached work and saw that not many were wearing a saree. I was frankly a bit embarrassed as normally I'm always wearing my old jeans and a cotton blouse even at work.

So that little feeling disturbed me and distracted me for a few moments and I couldnt help noticing it. Hence the poem to expound on my own feelings and try to understand myself as to why I felt what I felt.

12:21 AM, August 13, 2006  
Blogger The Beast said...

It's time to visit a psychiatrist ;-)

5:25 AM, August 13, 2006  

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