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Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

amazing grace

sometimes I feel I am a sham, a fake
all these lovely poems I write here
am I really all of this or am I pretending?

today, everyone in my team, except me
got either a handy-cam or a digital camera
because they were all involved in the finalization process
well, i am into risk-management and not in accounts

at first I felt happy and excited for them but later,
as I saw them taking pictures with their camera recording videos,
their fun and laughter all around me
i remembered how much I wanted a digicam too
and my happiness turned into a strange feeling of loss

but what have I lost that I must cry for?
am I less than what I was before, just because someone got a digicam?
i remember my little beggar girl more than ever before now,
i wish I have half the character and elegance she had
when she returned the five coins yesterday..

it is so easy to see lovely things
and write beautiful poems about it,
but what a amazing grace is required,
to actually be..
the little beggar girl, or the swan, or the broken string..

7 Comments:

Blogger Nina said...

Anu,
sweetie, you positively ooze elegence and have more character than any woman I know.
Perhaps, you were feeling excluded, and it wasn't the camera or the digicam, but the fun that you wanted to be a part of. I think this kind of thing is so uncool.

You work so hard at your job, maintaining your friendships, your wonderful poetry and staying healthy, give yourself a pat on the back, sweetie, you deserve it!

xoxo,
nina

7:31 AM, May 17, 2006  
Blogger WDKY said...

Anu, I love the way you ask your questions, and then provide your answer. What you see, and what you record in your mind's eye, is far more than you could ever capture on a digicam. You see life.

1:27 PM, May 17, 2006  
Blogger Pierre Turlur said...

Anu,

If we write poems and see lovely things it is because we need to come back home, be alive again and aware. Worrying about being a fake or not is another game of the mind. At the same time, it's OK to doubt. We all doubt. Another game of the mind too. Who is left that can behold the gaze of the beggar girl, the elant swan, the joyful and imperfect broken string? Carry on sweet heart, sing and sing again. You are a bird.

3:39 PM, May 17, 2006  
Blogger scruffysmileyface said...

Anu,
We all, every one of us, worry about these things from time to time. But for you, I don't see how anyone who writes as beautifully as you do could be fake.

12:39 AM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

Perhaps the most difficult thing in this world is to be happy for someone else. Not out of a sense of pride as with a family member or a close friends accomplishment or triumph but the dissconnected pleasure of another. It is like being a child at a birthday party of someone you don't really know watching them recieve gifts and attention. We all know that feeling, the little green eyed monster rears his head, it is oh so human. Do not judge yourself so harshly. Smile at the innocence of that child within. Be compassionate with her. Remember, she is but a child...

6:54 PM, May 18, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Nina - Thank you, you will support me to death won't you, sweetie?

WDKY - Very well said, why do i need a digicam when i have two beautiful eyes *flutters eyelashes*

Pierre - "It is okay to doubt" - Wow Pierre, how much at ease i feel now. That is the power of acceptance i guess.

Scruff - Thank you. Now i feel i am moving to the next level of not only seeing and writing but also in spirit feeling the swan, or the beggar girl or the broken string. Maybe there is a merger of essences which is happenning.

Ozy - As always, you've said it so beautifully - she is afterall an innocent child. I must not yell at her, but hold her and love her.

12:01 AM, May 19, 2006  
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9:04 AM, July 22, 2006  

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