Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

some peace please

I hate to be depressed. The energy is killing me. It almost suffocated me today after dialysis and i was on the verge of throwing up.

This time before i die, i want to achieve closure to many issues. There should be no unfinished business left here.

I want to heal my relationship with my parents, my romantic relationship and the people at work. I love each of the people i have been associated with in very special ways. Things did not work out for us as we desired. I am not going to blame them or me for what happenned.

I want peace of mind..dammit.

I cannot get that peace by keeping my hurt feelings, anger, secret hatred, jealousy, resentment (and so much more) burried deep down in my heart. I have to let them go from my heart...i have to let go of those feelings. That is the only way i think i can heal.

So i am cleansing my energy and sending loving thoughts to all the people who i have been closely associated with. Who have been a huge part of my life. Who made a difference to me at various stages. Whom i love...

I want to forget and forgive everyone including myself for any wrong i have done to others. I want to heal...

I will do this exercise daily, everyday, so that at least from my side, i would have begun my journey towards healing..

I am in pieces now...all i want is some peace..


Blogger TrĂ©e said...

Sending my peace your way. If you find yourself smiling for no good reason, then you know it has arrived. :-)

3:45 AM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

I am smiling for no good reason :<)

Thank you Tree.

8:19 AM, January 04, 2006  
Anonymous random_guy said...

stumbled on your blog write with great honesty and from the heart..keep going...wish you the best

9:05 AM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger Amrit said...

WE live in our dreams but dreams may die,
dont get shattererd never ever cry,
the world is big and has lots to give, pick up a new dream,
thats the way two live

hey have read a book by mitch albom TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE its very nice read it whenever u get a chance it contains lessons of life..

nothing to say more ur attitude is always so good i m learning a lot frm u.. thanks to u for that

hmm too nice to hear anu is hating to be depressed

praying anu gets well.. everything will be ok frm ur health to releationships. ya i m sure exercise u have thought of doing daily is going to give a complete peace of mind..

Dont take life too seriously
always find time to laugh
remember that laughter not
only adds years to life
but adds more Life to your year :)

hey this time :( i m fourth :)

take care

10:29 AM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Random guy - Wish you all the best too. Thanks for your kind words :)

Amrit - Did i spell it right? okay, now i can continue :)

I am always smiling reading your comments. I have nothing to teach amrit. I am myself so lost. I wish i had a guide. But i am begining to realise the best guide is our own greater self. It will love us no matter what. And i am trying to connect to my inner voice by unleashing my feelingss in this blog.

Thank you for being such a patient listner to my constant ramblings.I am so moody. I am almost embarrassed that one day i am happy and the next day i am so depressed. But that is the whole point of writing a blog for me.

To write what i feel and not coat it with rosy pictures. There is no one to impress here. Here, life has presented me an opportunity to 'be myself' and i dont want to screw it up.

Hopefully, i shall be more of myself by diving deep into my own senses and nonsenses by understanding my feelings and respecting my emotions and giving myself a CHANCE to be!

10:55 AM, January 04, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I cannot get that peace by keeping my hurt feelings, anger, secret hatred, jealousy, resentment (and so much more)"

Parts of your life are unpleasant. It would be stupid for me to say I can understand what it is like for you.

First of all you need to love yourself and be compassionate to yourself. If a friend was in your situation what would you say or do?

I think it is necessary to start with the hard truth. None of this (dialysis, ill-health) etc. is your fault. It is not the consequences from a previous life or from this life. It is just some random bad shit that hit you. It was not personal.

It may be all unpleasant but it is also allowing you to write with such beauty as well. Through suffering it seems much easier to enjoy what life has to offer. It's not 'fair', it just is.

1:48 PM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger passion said...

Anu, there is no obstacle in life that does not offer a growth opportunity. Great sympathy on your suffering but in the meantime I am so pleased and inspired to see how your health battle and inner healing go side by side. From your own suffering you have found humanity, compassion, forgiveness and love... oh anu, you are such a tough cookie! :)

3:37 PM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger Manish Bhatt said...


5:40 PM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

John - Thank you for your insights John. I greatly appreciate it. I can learn from what you said about not taking it to personally :)

Passion - Welcome back. HUUUUUUUGS and Kisses to you sweetie. I am so happy to see you, thank you for your uplifting words.

M - :)Happy new year to you

8:43 PM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger Yemanja said...

You've taken the words out of my mouth Anu...!

A new year, a new beginning... I am finally on my own for the first time in 13 years. I feel so free and able to do what I want, without having to justify myself to anyone. I am who I am, and I like who I am... What an amazing feeling this is!

I have always been enpowered by my independence. And now, the most important person in my life, is my son...

Like you, I have begun my journey towards healing...

Thank you for sharing Anu. You are truly a lovely woman... :-)



9:27 AM, January 05, 2006  
Blogger Shals said...

Hey anu . How are you doing today sweets.
You do not have the slightest of clue as to how much you inspire people around you including me.

Am genuinly worried about you.Please take care.

Lots of prayers and love and hugz


11:06 AM, January 05, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Yemanja - Thank you for your lovely words. I am glad you have begun your journey towards healing.I wish that this new year brings you and your son much happiness, love and peace.:)

Shals - Thanks for your concern sweetie. I could feel it :) Hugs and lots of love

10:21 PM, January 05, 2006  
Blogger Lone Wolf said...

Anu- I have been sick and depressed recently and find it hard to have such an amazing attitude as you. Even though my small flu is quite petty to your situation. Thank you for sharing your heart again in such a beautiful way. Your practice reminds me of the Tibetan Buddhist practice of Vajrasattva. Like always best wishes and my heart goes out to you.

10:46 AM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Lone wolf, i am sorry you are sick and sometimes being sick can be so depressing. But you know an occasional sickness helps the body to release the toxins and negative energies :)

Thank you for your lovely comments Lonewolf. I respect yours and everyone's else comments and feelings, but i am amazed at your positive attitudes and sensitivity and compassion to my posts.

No matter how much i whine and cry and behave like a silly goose here, noone ever tells me to shut up or get pissed. I also thank you and everyone else too to have so much patience with me.

HUGs. Hey btw where is my kiss? I stood on the roof-top all night :(

7:54 PM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger Lone Wolf said...

You saying you didn't feel it lol

I sent it to you (wink)

11:52 PM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

oh that is why my one cheek was pink ;-)now i get it :)

11:08 AM, January 07, 2006  

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