Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

boundless energy

From the last 6 days, i have been having just 3-4 hours sleep every day. But this time i am not depressed or tired or crying. I have been waking up at 2:30-3 am in the morning to attend a yoga camp. I reach the yoga camp at 4 am, meditate for an hour, just look at the open sky and stars or people and listen to the bhajans (devotional songs). The yoga teacher comes and teaches breathing exercises from 5-8 am. This is a seven day camp and tomm is the last day. I am going to so miss the camp.

I have my rick driver to drive me upto the camp at 3:30 am in the morning. He sleeps in the rick outside my building and picks me up in the morning. We offer him hot tea at 3am in the morning to refresh himself. He is not ready to take any extra money from me, says he will do it anyways. So he burns a mosquito coil inside his rick and covers himself with a cotton bedsheet and sleeps inside the rick itself. He says he is very comfortable there. He is afraid that if he goes home, he may not hear the alarm clock, while here, he will wake up easily.

I leave the camp and directly head to work from there. So i kindof reach work by 8:30 am and there is no traffic on the roads too. I have been really focussed at work, with meetings and reports and discussions. I work hard upto 7-8 pm and then leave for home. I reach home by 9pm, have my dinner by 10:00 pm and then by 11pm i am dead tired and in bed.

The days when i have to go for dialysis, i leave from work by 4pm and reach my hospital by 5pm. There is a queue in the hospital and i line up in the queue for my bed. My dialysis starts at 6pm and ends at 10pm. I am back home by 11pm. The dialysis days are a bit tiring.

But, yet i am so so so damn fresh and feeling energetic. I have managed to put in 10hours work at office and completed a chunk of reports and analysis. I do feel sleepy many times during the day, if i am sitting idle. But, even a few winks, make me really fresh.

Oh, and in between, i manage to find time to even fuck myself...yes the same old method..masturbation.

Taking in fresh oxygen and letting out the carbon dioxide, cleans the body from its toxins, cleans the mind from its incessant thoughts and heals the heart from its aches. Yoga helps not only the body, but also the mind. I also spend a lot of time, of my day, in silence. When i am travelling, i used to listen to my walkman earlier. Now i just sit quietly and do nothing and just 'be'.

So, if you are wondering, whats up with these new poems, they are things i feel when i am trying to be silent or think i am being silent. I never knew, there was so much power in the inner focus, peace and silence. A quiet recognition of the self and a quiet appreciation of oneself and non-judgement helped to clear a lot of the clutter in my head.

I do my act but dont try to fill my moments so that they pass so fast that i dont even realise that i am living them.

I am trying to 'live' my life.
I am having this deep desire to cure / heal myself.
I am over flowing with life and energy.
I am going to learn to balance it now.

For myself, just for me, this time i want to do it.


Blogger MikeDoe said...


12:44 AM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger A.J. said...

Hey! Just wanted to answer a couple of your questions from before. Usually when I come up with an idea for a painting I then search out and find imagery (photographs/objects) that fit in with the idea that I had. I then work from those images to make the paintings. Do you use a sketchbook at all? If not, you should. It helps a lot in getting ideas out. With it you have the freedom to fuck up as much as you want without the wory of anyone seeing it or having to create a finished work. Think of it as artistic masturbation.

2:30 AM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger poppy said...

Good to read this :-)

Proud of you! Try to keep at it, Anu.

7:35 AM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger NYC TAXI SHOTS said...

me too anu hi misty

1:08 PM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger madhavan said...

Jai Ho Swami Ramdev Maharaj Ki

1:30 PM, February 01, 2006  
Blogger Nina said...

For myself, just for me, this time i want to do it.

Words to live by. Good for you Anu!


1:04 AM, February 02, 2006  
Blogger Amrit said...

"..I am trying to 'live' my life.
I am having this deep desire to cure / heal myself.
I am over flowing with life and energy.
I am going to learn to balance it now.

For myself, just for me, this time i want to do it..."

anu ur an inspiration..
wish i could develop a attitude like urs towards life.. well i m learning a lot frm ur place..

u goona be fine all ur disease will be gone soon praying to almighty.. sending lotss of love n hugss

take care :)

10:50 PM, February 02, 2006  

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