Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Sunday, January 01, 2006

All evening i was feeling low as i was alone here sitting in my room with nothing much to do. I was wondering what is all this hype and fuss about the new year.

Then i went to look out of my balcony. I saw the children's garden and saw four kids playing in two seperate groups of two each. They were climbed up the slides and the absract structures and climbed down. They slide down the slides happily laughing and screaming. They were all girls and it was 8:30 pm in the night. They had their mom and grandpa to help them climb the abstract structures and swing from there.

The whole garden was empty. While the whole world was planning parties, cruises, bonfires and excursions, these kids were happily enjoying in the muddy garden with their slides and swings. There was no fuss about the new year. There was no deppression in them that they were not doing something 'great' to welcome the new year. They probably did not even know or care that it was new year's eve.

To them it was probably the same day as every day. And to them every day is probably as special as a new year's eve. Every day is a mystry. Every day brings them magic. They look forward to wake up and dive into the each day with as much vigour and enthusiasm as ever. I saw plain fun and joy in their plays. I saw the eagerness with which they climebed the absract structures. I saw the joy with which they slide down the slides screaming and experiencing the thrilling sensations.

I saw that as i watched them sitting on my window sill with my legs outside, i used to burst out laughing seeing their antics and the fun things they were doing. I saw how engrossed they were in the muddy garden. I saw life treated so precious with fun and love sprinkled on it. I saw respect for every moment and an eagerness to venture into the moment as if it was all that existed and nothing else matterred...nothing really.

This is my newyear inspiration. The children playing in the muddy garden.

And later in the morning, when the clock stuck 12 am, it did not matter that i was not in the best parties of the world, it did not matter that i was not in the exotic clubs dancing with handsome dudes or getting drunk on a beach with belly dancers, i still felt the outburst of energy when we entered the new year 2006.

I felt as if life has entered my body and light has entered my soul.

I went to my bedroom window and sat on my bed and meditated quitely welcoming my love, my life, my joy and my entity into myself. I felt the power i behold. The energy i possess. I felt god sinking in me.

And i said a quiet prayer to my only witnesses:

the leaves of the forest flame tree,
the rosy sky and
the dark husky handsome (k)night..

Let me be
like the sun in seeing
like the fire in brilliance
like the wind in power
like the soma in fragrance
like the indra and agni in strength
like the brahaspati in intelligence
like the ashwins in beauty.

Wish you all a happy and lovely new year 2006 from anu :)


Blogger Lone Wolf said...

You are an amazing writer Anu.I hope to bring in the New Year as simple and joyful as you have. I don't feel the need to find the most wild party, drink myself in to a silly drunken stupor, and take advantage of the horny intoxicated woman as I use too. I am going to ring in the new year simply with a sober mind and a loving heart. May 2006 be beautiful year for everyone.

1:17 AM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger Amrit said...

missed my hatrick by just 2 min no worries will make it next time :P well if ur confused hatrick of commnting first on ur post i was close lost by 2 mins only :)


I hope that 2005 was everything you wanted it to be. I hope you had joy and fun and friendship from everyone. I hope you were content and had peace of mind; and I hope you found true happiness, the kind that's hard to find. Most of all, I hope that in 2006 you will find even more! Happy New Year

take care

1:20 AM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Lonewolf - We amaze ourselves so much right, when we write from within. That voice is so magical. Imagine? if we are like that every wonderful our lives will be..for our real nature is so miraculous...we cannot even begin to comprehend.

I too wish this is a lovely peaceful happy and joyous year for everyone :)

Amirt - I burst out laughing reading your two minute syndrome. LOL.

Thank you for your lovely heartfelt wishes. I too wish you everything that you have wished for me and much much more :)

1:55 AM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger Amrit said...


2:01 AM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger reallynotimportant said...

One day is no different from another unless we choose to make it that way.

A 100% guaranteed way to get depressed is to think about what life 'should' be like or to paint fantasies of a 'perfect' life which is not this one.

The alternative is to enjoy each day anew, each moment afresh. To focus on the 'good' things in life not the 'bad'.

[This is beginning to sound too much like hippy crap]


Last night I treated it as any other day. I didn't want to go to a party because I do not feel that I can celebrate the new year or the departing of the old one. I did some stuff in the evening and then went to bed at 10:30.

In the morning I awoke a little excited about the New Year and what it will bring. In the night I had dreamt (almsot exclusively I think) about my situation and a positive outcome. It was a pleasant unpleasant dream!

I have in my head some dreams growing of what I would like to happen this year. They are only dreams. Mostly my aim is to live in the moment, moment by moment.

3:36 PM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger Beth said...

anu: i don't know exactly why, but for some reason this new year's eve bothered me. i felt clinging to the past, reluctance to move forward, sadness that time is moving too quickly, all sorts of stuff. but then i read your spectacular post, seeing right into the pure heart of joy. thank you. thank you!!
really not important: i had to laugh when you stopped yourself for beginning to sound like hippy crap. i often venture into that territory, and then i get a hold of myself.

6:50 PM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Amrit - :)

Really not important - i was smiling too reading your comment.
Wish you a happy new year :)

Kim - Thank you Kim. As you must know by now, i have my one thousand and one ups and downs every a single day, and this blog just reflects a few ways i climb out of my valleys of deppression.
Happy new year.

7:10 PM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger reallynotimportant said...

anu, kimberley: I find what you both write deeply moving. It often gives me much to contemplate.

I am conscious when I write things that even if it's true it can sound too much like a cliche.

Knowing something and living something are two quite different things. I therefore make a point of only writing about things that I have lived and directly experienced. It is the only way I think to keep myself honest and speak from the heart. There is already enough bullshit in the world.

anu, over the last 3 years or so I have often needed to be aware of my tendency to depression. It has been difficult at times to find good moments and good things in my life. Learning not to hold onto bad emotions and finding moments of joy takes time and loving care of yourself.

I am at an interesting point in my life when it concerns some buddhist teachings. I have been single for some time now (after a very long marriage) and I find in myself a strong desire growing to be in a relationship. This is a desire that is felt in the fullness of my being.

Of course, a relationship involves desire, attachment, idealism, objectification and of course suffering and so I am at a cross-roads...

If I wished to live a solo life as a monk then I could do some buddhist meditations to kill the desire and live a more monkish life. Or, I could act on and amplify that desire. Or I could argue that my desires arise from previous imprinting and 'should' be squashed.

Really, it is simple. I feel the strong need for a relationship, for sharing and so on. That is part of who I am so I can acknowledge it or deny it. So I will act on that basis and fit my 'buddhism' into that context.

9:38 PM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Reallynotimportant - Thank you so much for sharing such precious thoughts of your life. I could so relate to your constant evaluation of the honesty element in your writings. Sometimes i write something really 'positive' and the very next moment i am deeply disoriented and deppressed and i wonder whether i am faking myself on the blog making people think what a wonderful person i am, while in reality the next moment i am a idiot of sorts!

But over the period, i have begun to embrace both the idiot and the monk in me. I love both. Both are valid sides of me. At some point, i hope to integrate these sides of me by letting them come out freely and interacting with each other.

Reallynotimportant, if you feel a deep desire to get involved and get into a relationship, then that means there is a learning there for you. Then that is what you should do.

"Follow your inner voice. Follow your instincts. Follow your desires."

I strongly believe that no matter what the desire is, killing it does not serve any purpose. It has to be treated with love and affection and it will grow out as it grew in.

I respect people who believe in religions but i dont form a part of any such 'group'.

I dont want to. I dont believe that any group can substitute my inner voice.

Even if i am stupid, in my stupidity lies my originality. I will grow out of it.

Buddhism or no buddhism, do what your heart says.

All the religions in the world, all groups, all cults, all sects are a poor imitation of your own voice.

10:30 PM, January 01, 2006  
Blogger Real-E said...

Regardless, here's to health and happiness for you in 2006!

7:09 AM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Thank you Real-e. Wish you too health and happiness and prosperity in 2006 :)

7:54 AM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger Shals said...


10:41 AM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger Michael said...

Hello again, Anu!

11:22 AM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger Beth said...

"I strongly believe that no matter what the desire is, killing it does not serve any purpose. It has to be treated with love and affection and it will grow out as it grew in."

anu: this is so true, and well said. it will grow out. for me this is yet another element of faith: believing that my buddha nature will fuel this process.

6:36 PM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Shals - Happy New Year sweetie :)
Hugs n kisses

Michael - Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ;-)

Kim - You know? when you pick out
these sentences and muse over them, that is when i see the sense in them too. Otherwise it simply appears like ramblings of the reflections in the moment. It is when you state them specifically, i am able to carry their wisdom in me for a long long time. Thank you Kim :)

8:01 PM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger reallynotimportant said...

Kim, anu:

My decision has been made and you are both right. Killing a desire may be monkish but it is not necessarily right.

I will be mindful of my desires and let them be. They will ever blossom or die away. I will not force it either way. Probably.

10:35 PM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Yup :) Way to go dude

10:39 PM, January 02, 2006  
Blogger NYC TAXI SHOTS said...

happy new year anu reallynotimportant you are

6:49 AM, January 03, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

thanks j :)


Wish you a happy, peaceful, healing and joyous new year.

8:04 AM, January 03, 2006  
Blogger Vibhanshu Abhishek 3.1 said...

Really well written entry. It was a pleasure reading. Wish you a happy new year :D

11:20 AM, January 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anu...send me your email address again so i can send you an email to reply to the email you just sent me? we are such soul sisters, its amazing how similiar we are--blue

12:48 AM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger Amrit said...

me too need ur email id :|

1:07 AM, January 04, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Vibhanshu - Thanks :)

Blue - yea blue we are soul sisters. And i can so resonate with you and your feelings.

Amrit - Amirt, oops sorry Amrit ;-)

2:31 AM, January 04, 2006  

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