Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Strip tease

Yesterday U invited me for a party at her friend's place. I reached there late in the night at 11 pm. My hair was one big mess, i had tried to blow dry it and put lots of straightener on it, it did not work and finally i tied it up into a lousy pony tail. I wore a sleeveless navy blue skimpy top and i am ashamed of my underarms becoz they are dark..suddenly it got dark, dunno how.

I wore a black panty and a blue bra dont ask why, thats all i could find late in the night. I really should arrange my closet, all my clothes fall out like a waterfall when i open it.

I was in a mess becoz i had to travel from work to home for 1 1/2 hours and then change at home and then rush back to the party. I reached home at 8:40 pm and then washed my long hair (falling down to my waist) and left for the party. I wished i had gone to a parlour instead of trying all those things on my hair. Yikes, i will never make that mistake again.

I was nervous and tensed as i was reaching the party becoz of my hair and i felt i did not look good in the dress i wore. But i resolved to live in the present and try and relax.

It was in the house of K who was a good friend of U. K's parents were really cool, they let everyone just be, booze, play loud music and do whatever they want, while the parents slept in their bedroom inside.

I was greeted warmly by U and her husband Krish (too many K's will be confusing so i will call him Krish). There was Prasad with his wife, Krish's best friend with whom he had formed a rock music band in his college. Then there were 7 guys and 4 girls from a leading world wide audit company in India all cute looking who were K's friends. There was U's friends me and two girls and one guy. Thats it, that was the party along with lots of booze, all kinds of goodies to eat and biryani (both veg and non-veg).

U, my friend told me that there are going to be strippers for the party. They were not professionals but friends of K. They were just doing this sportingly. The guys were the ones from the leading audit firm. Man, they were really good looking with good bodies. And they were so cool, giggling and cracking jokes.

For a while, these guys played some rock music, metallica etc. Everyone was enjoying the songs except me. I had never heard of these songs. I was pretending to like the music and enjoy them.

Then Krish and Prasad got their guitar out and played some lovely music and sang. They played songs like Scorpio, winds of change, patience, metallica, Hotel california and many more. Everyone was singing except for me. Becoz i did not know the songs. But here i had to pretend less becoz i was really enjoying the live guitar sounds and songs.

By now i was begining to get comfortable, U kept asking me if i am fine and so did her husband Krish. The stripper guys asked me where was my glass (of booze of course). I stammerred saying U will get it. They insisted they will do it for me. (I cannot drink alcohol bcoz of my kidneys, dunno what it can do to me). U ran to the guys and said she will make a real good drink for me. And got me lemon juice (the only drink i had during the party ;-) ) and i pretended it was the booze i was drinking.

After songs we ate food. The stripper guys and the others from the audit firm were a group talking and laughing among themselves and i was with the other group looking at everyone's faces and smiling and reminding myself to be at ease. What was really surprising is, i was begining to feel comfortable not talking , not needing to say things to make myself a part of the party and not needing to initiate a conversation for the heck of it. Still here and there some one would speak to me.

I thought fuck it, its alright, i have to be myself and try not to pretend to be comfortable. Let the discomfort show. It is what it is and let me not hide it. That is where i started having fun.

It was 1:30 am and we girls started getting restless. We wanted to see the striptease. So the boys were all pushed into another room and locked. That took 30 mts becoz they kept coming out and begging to be a part of the spinster party. Krish was also locked in by U. U brought lots of ten rupee notes and gave me and her other friends to throw it on the stripper guys.

The music started : there was a dj and a manager and there were these three good looking guys who were strippers. They danced and danced and the lights were dim. Pulling their shirts up half way and the manager kept telling us to throw the money on them. U was fabulous. She was a total slut going all over them and sticking money in their shirts and mouths. Other than U, we are all shy and a bit shocked. But these guys were so damn cute and they made us so comfortable, they dragged each one of us on the floor and soon we were dancing with them.

U, the bride was totally enjoying herself. She removed all their shirts and flung them like a whore around. She can be such a fabulous slut wow. I tried to be as comfortable and easy with myself as possible. I realised i really liked what was happening. I danced with all the three guys. And i was the first one to stick a note in one guy's trousers, and remove another guy's belt. They were so so so nice and sweet, i was very happy and comfortable. No judging, no pretending, they did not scare me or get intimidate me. They were probably just happy that i was a girl and vice versa. It was plain fun.

U pulled down everyone's trousers and flung them around. She was fascianted by this guy A, who was the most good looking among the lot. Soon everyone was dancing in their boxers with all girls around them. Then U pulled down the boxers of A and he stood there in his vest (underwear? now i sound crude dont i?). Man she was sitting under his legs and he was bending down to her. The guys were wistling and girls were screaming. We were all staring at them. He had worn a V shaped black colour vest. He looked so sexy just in that.

U also tried pulling down the boxers of other guys "from behind". We saw their naked ass as they resisted and caught it at the right time. We stuck notes in various parts of their bodies. This went on for a while. Then eveyone got tired and we sat down and these guys wore their clothes.

This was the sweetest thing i had ever seen. These guys were not professionals. They were chartered accountants from an audit firm in their late twenties or early thirties- the best one in the world. Intelligent and focussed in their work. One travels the world, another was working in Boston and the third was giving his GMAT exam. But they were so damn cool. They just did all this for fun. We did not see their cocks, we got to see only their asses. But i really liked them. They were just so approcable.

I did not feel special there. But i did not feel 'left out' too. I did not feel 'i am being judged'. I did not feel the need to 'work on myself' there...because i was 'myself'. I liked myself there.

I told the guys, 'some day i would like to do a strip tease for you'. They told me they will be so looking forward for that day. There was so much energy there. The feeling of love, friendship, a is unexplainable. When you dance with someone almost naked, i guess a lot of inhibitions fall out. There is a oneness about it. A feeling that you can 'be' and noone is going to say anything about you now - no judging. I think there no one was judging anyone becoz everyone was 'comfortable' - when you are really comfortable then you dont judge - neither yourself nor another.

I realised something profound today. I am always complaining others judge me. I think i let others judge me when i judge myself. I think i let others judge me, when i am 'not comfortable' with myself. If i am comfortable with myself and my energy will flow and they will reciprocate to that in the same fashion. And i cannot 'try' to be comfortable with myself - either i am or i am not, there is no in between situation.

U then danced like a whore and shook her ass and lured these guys and they threw money at her. They actually gave away most of what they had earned to her back. U was amazing. All this while Krish her husband and the other three guys sat in the bedroom eating and gossipping.

The stipper guys left at around 3:30 am. They kissed all us girls on the forehead and they hugged us especially me and that was so sweet. I loved been kissed on my forehead :) They said thank you to us and i told them i had so much fun and i really enjoyed it. They said i made an offer they cannot refuse and they will wait for my show. Then I left with U and Krish at 4:45 am. They left me to a rick and i came back home at 5 am.

I enjoyed the striptease today. I really loved the guys. They were so cute. I loved their spirit. I loved that i was so damn comfortable with them. I loved that they seemed so easy and were so approachable. I loved that they let me touch them and dance with them. I loved that i could read their minds and they were not judging me or analysing me. I loved that i was not judging myself and analysing myself. I loved that i was not trying to be myself . I am living me - i am me.

I want to learn to dance really well. I want to strip too ...actually do a strip tease. And i know i will look gorgeous ..long brownish black hair, big beautiful eyes, slender body..mmm and lots of heat.

There is a bond which is created when you strip. There is an openness when you let down your inhibitions. There is a relationship which you create when you express yourself physically.

Most importantly, there was so much trust, love and respect which was shared between them and us. It was a energy ball were were in as if we are in the 'Sun'..that kind of an stopping no stagnating, no jealousy, no resentment, no hatred, no tears..just pure love and respect..mmmm my heart is filled with this.

Someday very soon, i want to dance dirty and strip nude, in live in front of such a group in total safety, love, respect, admiration and openess to let myself free, to drop my inhibitions and to such a group of fine souls.

I want to connect baring it heart, my soul and my body..stripped nude.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am a female living in missoula montana, united states who us kind of stormy and often blue and who suffers from feeling so insecure about my body because i am not slender. i wish i could be. i wish i could also just feel good about my size now. i am not even that big ( size 14) but men seem to want really slender women. but i like what you said about when you do not judge yourself others wont judge you. i wonder if that is true. i need to find self acceptance for my size. i do eat really healthy and work out, i just have a slow metabolism. anyways, reading this entry affected me so much...i could never strip, i would feel so insecure, but i long to feel that inhibition with my body with men...i do not want to be insecure t anymore. i like your blog btw...i will keep reading! i hope you do not mind the comments.

7:08 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Some of the most interesting people i know Blue, are far from perfect.

But strangely, they have an aura around them. They seem to 'love' their body and the soul within. They carry themselves with such confidence. I think the confidence comes from something 'within'. And most importantly, they do not look for approval and attention outside.

I have always been an ugly teen. But somwhere along the line, when i began to trust my outer beauty, i actually started looking good.

I know this sounds strange and magical but it is true, Blue.

My hair which used to look 'wavy and curly' actually straighened up naturally and looks silky now. All this without applying any products on it.

Blue, i know one thing sweetie, if you dont accept and love your body, there is no way anyone else is going to do it. No one can compensate the love you owe to your own body.

If you feel you are beautiful, you are and the world mirrors the same.

There are stunning examples every day of men and women who are NOT drop dead gorgeous but they are an 'icon' and people imitate them and love them for 'what they are'.

Baby? beauty is not a formula of 36-26-36 written on a golden leaf by god.

'We' - 'You and I' define beauty. We make or break the rules of what is beautiful. Beauty does not define us.

Someone once said it so right:

We do not love people
beacause they are beautiful,
beacause we love them
they appear beautiful to us.

Have a healthy body
a wealthy mind
a huge smile on your face
and a spring in your step
and you will be
the most gorgeous woman
the universe has ever seen

for thats how nature
and mother earth
dress up for a party!

10:23 PM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Please drop in always and write your comments Blue. I really value your writings.

Love and hugs

10:24 PM, December 05, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you anu. i am working on this.

11:03 AM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger Dan Husain said...

This is such an honest piece, Anu. It strips me off my pretentions. :-)

Thanks for dropping in at my blog! :-)



12:31 AM, December 09, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

:-) you are so welcome Dan :-)

1:13 AM, December 09, 2005  

Post a Comment

<< Home