Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Monday, December 26, 2005

own teacher

The martial arts teacher has an assistant, a 24 year girl, a black belt in Jeet Kune Do, let us call her K. She handles all the administrative aspects of the school. She told me that i will need to give a letter from my doctor stating that i can practise martial arts. Also i will need to sign on a letter stating that if i get injured or anything untoward happens, then they are not responsible for it and i take full responsibility for it.

Today during dialysis i told my nephrologist about the letter. My doc said that he wants to personally speak to the teacher about the training as i have a 'fistula' (surgery where they stich the veins together) on my arm and no one should grab my arm plus they need to be careful and not do any judo styles where they throw me down.

I called up the teacher and as usual K answered the phone. I told her my doc wants to speak to the teacher to clarify things. She questioned me as to why they should clarify things and why not i tell the doc himself. I had to explain to her that he wanted to speak to them and not me. She said the teacher does not talk to anyone and said she will speak instead. My doc explained to her about my arm and stuff. And then he wrote a letter permitting me to learn martial arts.

Later i called up Miss K to thank her. She asked me to read the letter. I did that and then she said i will have to get another letter signed by my parents saying that they agree that i can practise martial arts. I was surprised. I told her why does she want a letter signed by my parents? cant i sign the letter stating that i will be solely responsible for any untoward incident happenning to me? She said "NO, since you have chronic renal failure, your parents have to permit you".

I was begining to get irritated. I told her, " I am an adult and i work on my own. I will be living on my own next year. I make all my decisions. Then why should i ask my parents to sign?"

She got very agitated and yelled at me on the phone. "You think we should bear the brunt of it if you faint and fall tommorrow. Are you trying to make us responsible for anything happenning to you? First of all we give you a concession a huge discount and is this how you talk to us? Look, we are doing a favour on you by letting you join us and by giving you a huge concession ..all this becoz you are a case of chronic renal failure. Try going out in the world, no one in this entire world will be willing to accept you as his student. And is this how you behave with us ?"

I was kind of shocked. I told Miss K, "I wanted to join martial arts becoz i am trying to make my way to be normal once again. And i am begining to get bogged by these formalities where you are constantly reminding me that i am a kidney failure patient. I had made it clear i dont want any favours from you, and now you are saying you are doing a big favour on me by taking me."

She told me similar things again..i dont remember what. Then i told her, "look i am in a state of shock after talking to you. I want to seriously consider this once again. I dont want to say anything more. I will get back to you when i regain my calm and composure."

She then calmed down and tried to be nice by saying " We are not doing any favour on you. We are trying to help you out. You used to handle operations right? these are mere formalities...blah blah."

Anyways i hung up on her. I wont be calling them up again. I hate it when anyone tries to use me or my dis-ease and make a case out of me. Common! i am just trying to do something i love. I am feeling so angry and sad. I am not going back there again.

I felt like i am a 'dead case' the way they were asking my parents to sign for me! God, dammit, i am still alive. Look at me. I am still living. I will never let anyone certify anything for me. I take full responsibility for my life and death both.

I dont have a teacher now. And her words are still ringing in my ears : "no one in this entire world will be ready to take you as his student." I know the teacher may never say anything like this. He is so calm and composed. But i dont like Miss K's energy. I cannot connect to her. So i wont be going there ever.

I am not going to be a victim here. They are not my 'last resort'. I am sad and hurt and angry. I am desperate to learn. But not so desperate that i 'cling' on. The reason i am learning this art is becoz it connects me to myself. There is something about it that charges me and i come alive when i practise martial arts. It connects my body - mind - soul. And i need to 'feel' right when i start.

Maybe i will train on my own..start with some walking and jogging. And things will happen and i will attract the right energies and there will be a way out.

Till then i am on my own teacher and my own student.


Blogger Lone Wolf said...

A good teacher would not have this kind of attitude. I am sorry you went through that. Now it's good to bring up fistula and the other difficuties you may have so a teacher can work with them but to treat you different and say they are doing you a favor just isn't very respectable. We had to sign forms saying that if we got hurt or died that the school would not be responsible. But my teacher never made a big deal about it. We had people start who had polio and other difficulties Sifu just worked with them but he also put responsibility upon the student to deal with them in the proper way. Say for instance I had hurt my wrist in sparring the last class then I would mention it and he would say just be careful with it. If it was to bad of an injury, I just wouldn't sparr that day. My Sifu put alot of the responsibility on the student but if you gave him alot of energy he would give you that much in return. This is good way to teach I think. You might be interested in Wushu. Wushu means "warrior art" but today if there is a Wushu competition that means its a forms competition. Kung Fu forms were my favorite aspect. It is sorta like dancing but with martial technique. Very good for your health and builds alot of good attributes. I am thinking about just praticing my forms again and when I get them all down as before,I may ask my Sifu to teach me more forms. But you know yourself better then anyone Anu so you can make your own decisions of what you can and can not do. I wish you the best and hope you find a great teacher. Jet Li use to have an injury and doctors told him he would never practice martial arts again. He persisted and became one of the best and most famous martail artist in the world.

1:16 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Lonewolf, I am feeling very encouraged and inspired after reading your post.

Thank you for putting in so much time and effort.

Forms fascinate me. I used to feel the energy go up to me from the earth when i used to practise 'katha'.

I shall look out for Wushu and Kungfu here in Bombay. It is so difficult to find them here.

Thanks once again Lonewolf, i may not be going for classes but i do enjoy the lessons on your blogs :-)

1:25 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger Michael said...

Hi Anu,

It's very understandable that you're discouraged about your experience. Who wouldn't be? It just goes to show that finding a good martial arts teachjer amid all the losers is difficult.
As for nobody taking you on as a student, that's nonsense. My teacher took me on, despite my numerous surgeries and osteoporosis in my forearms. A good teacher will tailor the instruction around one's limitations. There are blind people who study martial arts, and if they can be accomodated, others can be, too.
I'm sure you'll find a good teacher in time. I think it would have been the exception to the rule had you found a good teacher on your first attempt.

5:31 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Michael, i too have a feeling that eventually i will find someone to teach me. And you are right, a good teacher will not think too much on these lines.

Maybe it was good that i did not join these people afterall.

Maybe this happenned so that i would not join them.

:) Thank you Michael

8:04 AM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger Shals said...

DAMN that Miss "k".or whoever she is !! That "B@%CH !!

hey anu...please dont be sad !! I guess you should not give up, instead you should go back to the same teacher once again this time you dont talk to "Miss K or whoever".

You cant let go so easily... and that Miss k is nobody to tell you what to do or how to do it. Ask her to mind her own bloddy business...and if your teacher is a good man.... like you just mentioned...i believe he would not want to let go of a student like you !! AM sure !! And I think he will take care of that Miss k tooo!!

may be wait for a day or two...... get back to your spirits...... cus we dont like you like this...... do i see you smile ??

Please cheer up. !!


3:32 PM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Shals hugs, you are too cute :)

Mizz K is with the teacher for the last 10 years. She is also an instructor. I think there will be a lot of friction if any time in the future i end up training under her (which is a huge possibility). And most importantly, i cannot connect with her or her ideas.

I dont want to compete with her to reach the teacher. Martial arts is my fun area unlike my work. I can choose the people i want to practise with and i dont need a constant irritant in the form of Mizz K.

You are so caring and concerned about my feelings. Thank you so much Shals. I so appreciate it.

And of course i am smiling here :)

This nut cannot be upset for too long, no matter what!

Love n Kisses

9:46 PM, December 27, 2005  
Blogger Real-E said...

I agree with Lone wolf. Martial Arts is founded upon several principles, with respect being one of the most pertinent.

Finding the right school can also be difficult as you must match the style and teacher to your needs and financial means.

Be patient, keep looking and keep an open mind. The lady at the dojo you wrote about is an insignificant grain of sand on the beach of life.

8:57 AM, December 28, 2005  
Blogger Shals said...

Hmmm... dont worry. I am sure you will find a teacher real soon.and once you have mastered the art.the first thing you gotto do is..... u know what ....rt??

KICK ASS BABY.. u know whose??


Cheers! Love! hugz ! God Bless !

12:53 PM, December 28, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

haha Shals :)God bless you too.

12:55 PM, December 28, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Real-e - wow i love what you wrote.
"insignificant grain of sand on the beach of life"...these words are so 'healing' to 'let go'. Thank you so much reeal-e :)

12:56 PM, December 28, 2005  

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