Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Today i could not go to work becoz the small allergy has blown into a very bad cold and nose block and i am feeling so feverish. Damm it! I had made plans today to complete so much at work plus Nids and i were planning to take off to Mahabaleshwar (a hillstation). Now i am in such a bad state, i dont think i will be able to bear the cold of Mahabaleshwar. So my friend is looking for another place to go.

In all the metaphysical books i read, the mysterious voices say, "any physical ailment is a direct result of the mind. It could be conflicting beliefs or limiting patterns. What goes on in the mind is what will be depicted in the physical reality. So if you want to change what goes on in your life, first change your thinking..automatically life will follow suit."

Just yesterday i commented on Kim's blog that, i think my kidney failure is a direct result of my core beliefs of "worthlessness" and "lack of self-love". It is also due to "fear" - "fear of being lonely", "fear of insecurity", "fear of being ridiculed", "fear of being critisised", "fear of dissapointing others", "fear of not living upto another's expectations", "fear of abandonment", "fear of rejection", "fear of failing in love", "fear of losing in love", "fear of being shatterred at the loss of a loved one"...and the list goes on.

Now having identified this. I am working on this since months now. I observe myself when i feel anything and recognise that i am feeling it. I have accepted that these fears do exist in me and they keep coming up when i least expect and shock me and others.

The next step is feel it and dive into it and experience it totally when i am dominated by the fears. When i say experience it, i actually feel my feelings of helplessness and insecurity and worthlessness without trying to fight it and pretend it does not exist. I see my own behaviour..i see a very different me. I see an addicted me at that time.

Then slowly i come out of it...when i realise i cannot cry any more, i cannot blame another person anymore and i cannot wallow in self pity and guilt any more.

Right now, i am wondering, why i got this bad bad cold? I agree to the mystical voices that the conflicts in the mind may be reflected in the body as ailments or dis-eases..becoz the energy is blocked and the body is trying to express it through the ailment.

But at the same time, i feel, sometimes the ailment may be a small step towards growth and learning. I can identify the cold where the phlem is accumulated in the lungs and it results in a blocked nose, with blocked energy. As i get better and the phlem comes out and my lungs get clearer and my nose gets clean, the blocked energy has begun to 'flow'.

At least some toxins and blockages are getting cleared through the minor ailments, everytime they manifest and later get solved. At all points of time, the body is telling us something. It is upto us to interpret it. There is no interpretation greater or more wise than what the self concludes.

Listen to your inner voice. Let it speak. In the begining we may not understand its language. There are likely to be communication barriers. But if we let it speak for long enough...we will be able to connect to it. Find answers for our challenges. Develop intuition and insight. Be aware.

We will feel the tingling sensation in our body ... as if the veins and the cells have suddenly come alive. And they are talking to us. Touch your arms and feel the heat on it...that is your blood flowing. Feel your breath, feel it slowing down. Feel the connection of you with your self being established.

It is for this feeling, monks and zen masters, meditate and pray in the snow capped mountains of the himalayas. It is this feeling that equals the prince and the pauper. It is this feeling that tells us that every tree around has a heart and every flower a soul.

Use this feeling to heal your body. Let the energy flow where it is blocked. Drop all the past baggage. When we enter the new moment we just check in our past baggage, and when we land, we dont come back to take it.

And i am positive, if i continue feeling my veins, tissues, blood cells and even the toxins...
i continue to love them and express to them and listen to them honestly...
my blocked energy will flow
my organs will rejuvinate
my heart will beat easily
my toxins will insist on being flushed out
and my kidneys will come back to work

and even if it doesent
i would have created such a harmonious environment
at the workplace in my body
that it wouldnt really matter
this way or the other..


Anonymous amrit said...

me first :)
COLD will be gone soon dont worry just take some precautions
yup ur very positive i like ur attitude ya u gonna be PERFECTLY OK everything from ur body to ur work just have faith in almighty

so today celebrated holiday with cold hmm take some good rest set ur mind free and drink some hot tea and coffee

take care

2:27 PM, December 28, 2005  
Blogger Shals said...

So true!!

As always... love u lots * all smiles*

Take care

3:05 PM, December 28, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Amrit - Thanks for your concern and encouragement. Hopefully i should feel better tommorrow and be ready to toil hard at work.

Shals - love you too lots n pots
smiles here too and hugs

7:38 PM, December 28, 2005  
Blogger Beth said...

anu, every time i read one of your posts i just am floored by the fact that you have so much wisdom, self-awareness, and courage and are so young. i was an idiot in my twenties. you are amazing. hugs.

6:30 AM, December 29, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Dear Kim,

Time and space are dimensions created by us...for our convenience. Age does not matter. My first love has been a man who was 57 and he has such a young heart and a vibrant spirit and lots of charisma. Thanks to him, i was able to cross over the age-barrier.

Now i am freeer, and my love is not limited to or defined by age or looks. I can feel more than before and see more than ever. I can define a person by his heart and soul than age and looks.

Time and space are man-made barriers. And when we rise above them, the possibilities are unlimited and our love is unbounded.

8:02 AM, December 29, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Oh Kim, i got carried away and just wrote something. I forgot to acknowledge your comment.

Please forgive me.

Thank you :)


8:05 AM, December 29, 2005  
Blogger bloomiegirl said...

a lot of times we get colds when we are raising our vibration, the cold releases trapped energy. probobly all of your focus on your negative feelings caused you to release them through the body in the form of a cold. its a good thing. drink tons of lemon water.--blue

7:47 AM, December 30, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Thanks sis Blue,

so nice hearing from you. Now that my cold is going, i am having a bad cough :(

Love you

8:17 AM, December 30, 2005  

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