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Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

crush..

I am having a crush..

I am doing a project for my company w.r.t i went to a department in the company. Since i needed to understand their process, they asked me to sit and observe a guy, lets call him X. Then make my notes and then report to
them.

Now X is a tall handsome very white skin super serious looking guy with a fabulous body. I saw his super serious face and got nervous and thought, "Gosh, this one is looking at me as if i am going to eat him up." He never smiled at me and just spoke the basic minimum. The observation was scheduled for three days. And i was already getting jitterry thinking i have to spend three days with this 'super serious guy'.*rolls eyes*

Day one was fine, i almost slept off during the whole process and later admitted to the guys around that i did sleep as they could make that out looking at my eyes.

Day two, we had to go out of office to do the second stage. That is when the whole story began. This guy X seemed to open up pretty nicely and we discussed a lot of things from martial arts to idlis to living alone to the company politics. I found him really so sweet and sensible. He was asking me what i wanted to do in life and i told him, i really want to go to the shoalin temple someday and practise martial arts. I had already learnt karate and stick fightting and kickboxing. He told me he was a black belt in Judo. Bingo...there was chemistry between us. Later he came to drop me to the rick. I got late to go home but i really enjoyed the day.

Day three, started well but when the project got over and i went to thank him for his support, he said coldly with his super serious face "is there anything you need? i got work to do." My heart broke, i said "oh nothing at all, i just wanted to say thanks". Sad smile and left.

Later whole day i spent thinking of him and could not stop thinking of him. Thats when Nids my friend told me that maybe i have a crush on him. Oh well, yes i was 'crushed'.

Over the weekend Nids and i were talking and she suggested i should sms him a thank you note. If he replies he is interested, if no then he is not. So i sent him an sms thanking him for his time and effort. He replied back saying "it was my pleasure ninja. Work was more enjoyable with you around.." God, i was jumping in joy and i told Nids and then i sent him another sms "i am wondering why was Jackie Chan so formal with me while i was leaving" (Nids suggested this to me. I was referring to him as Jackie Chan and to his cold remark on the last day). But i guess he did not understand the sms and just sent back a smile-" :) " after a long wait. Then nothing..sigh.

After that he did not send me an sms at all. I tried walking around where he sits since last two-three days. But he does not come out he is stuck to his comp. Today finally i saw him and he said "hi" and i said an enthusiastic "hi" happily and he went his way.

I was discussing with my friend at work. She said you gave him so many hints he is not responding means probably he is not interested or maybe he has a gf. Well...well...

I really like this guy. I wish i could just walk up to him and ask him for tea. But i am scared of his super serious face and the fact that i tried to get in touch with him and he did not reciprocate. I am feeling sad..i want that guy!
I mean not in bed..i want to get to know him and talk to him..i seem to like him.

Anyways, i am busy trying to counsel myself to not get so desperate and just let him be. I am talking to myself. Asking me to handle this with some elegance and grace and not stalk him. If he does not respond means he is not interested. Understand that anu and move on.

But i like him says another part of me. I am dying to talk to him becoz the feeling of liking someone but not getting to know them enough is eating me up.

So, oh well, i have decided that i am going to try not to lust for his attention.I really like him period. I will probably dream about him and think whole day about the conversations had. I will feel the pain of him not returning my gestures. i will feel and know clearly that he may not be interested.

But i will not run away from the pain or try to end it by jumping on him and trying to talk to him.

Oh these vows are so hurtful to write sob sob ...but i am going to try all that.

Right now i am crushed..

9 Comments:

Blogger madhavan said...

Join the gang. Two possibilities: It can go this way or that way. If it goes this way and he responds, good. But time will uncrush you. If it goes that way, bad but time will still uncrush you. Either way, we all return to the same point. It's little solace but there it is.

As my good friend WH Auden once said:
"And love's worn journey rebegun
Endless with no dissenting turn"

10:54 PM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

I wish i could just walk up to him and ask him "Hey X, are you interested in me?". That is so much more simpler. But i know that is not feasible and practical.

And i have already done enough. Maybe he is not interested in me at all. sigh :(

How long does it take to get uncrushed?

11:01 PM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger passion said...

anu, is it possible to get an 'insider' - someone in his department and knows him well, to find out if he's got a g'f? If you work in the same company, there got to be a way... you just don't want to waste any energy (call it crush, love, turn on...) if he is already attached!
Wish you good luck and keep us posted! lol

12:23 AM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

There is no one i know in his department Passioncity. They are all guys in there.

Thank you for your best wishes.
Lets see where it goes with the super-serious face.

12:40 AM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger Amrit said...

congrats on been crushed all the best :d

1:16 AM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger greenbean said...

My dear Anu. It's great to have a crush on someone.It's a great feeling - on cloud 9. If a guy looks serious, he's nervous,fearful and waiting for your move. So go to him Anu dear and ask him out for a cup of tea.It really does not matter whether he's attached or not.Just go and ask him out. He'll be delighted! And the rest will be a miracle...lol;-)

6:13 AM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

hi amrit.

lol Greenbean :)

7:50 AM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger ravali said...

good good, its alwasy better to write it down so you don't forget or get the plan confused.

12:42 AM, December 17, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

ravali..all the plans in the world could not make MrX send me back an sms ;-)

10:44 AM, December 17, 2005  

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