Name:
Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Friday, December 16, 2005

...

Nothing really matters and yet everything does. I cannot seem to stick to any philosophy of life. When i look around for guidance, i see none. What is life but one long journey. Sometimes i want to shake myself up to achieve closure in certain issues.

Is my blogging an addiction. Is my want for attention bad for health. Will my kidneys ever revive.

Who knows. I dont know the answers for these questions.I spend all my time searching and validating myself.
I am so hypersensitive. Inspite and despite of what i seem to know, a single word can totally throw me off balance. I am vulnerable. And i can be in tears at the drop of the hat. I always feel i am missing something.

I have no 'Guru'. I have no 'God' who i can follow. I dont have any particular philosophy in life. I have reached a stage where i find it so difficult to follow someone. Not that i have a high opinion of myself. But i watch them, listen to what they talk and i am out of there. I cannot relate to most people around me. I have no clue what they are running after all the while. I sometimes feel that i dont belong here.

I oscillate between extremes. I have no idea what i am going to do with my life.

Everyday i try to listen to myself. But i cannot sit in one place and meditate.

So i have dropped it all and dont want to analyse anything for a while. And go through my day as a passive observer. Mostly all of this comes out when i am alone and lonely.

Right now as i am typing i can hear my watchman chatting with his friend. He lives in a very tiny room which is so small, one person cannot sleep in that. He cooks his own food. He wakes up early morning washes cars and waters plants. He sleeps in the entrance on a cot donated by someone with one bedsheet. And he is enthusiastically chatting with his friend right below my bedroom window.

That is all. no analysis. actions speaks louder than words.

9 Comments:

Blogger greenbean said...

Dear Anu, you speak my mind...I'm dropping almost everything...emptying myself of everything...and just see things as they are;-)lol..

9:00 AM, December 16, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tell me about anu....the only thing i know for sure is love--blue

10:08 AM, December 16, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Same here Greenbean and ofcourse 'lol' :)

bluuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hugs

9:24 PM, December 16, 2005  
Blogger Jeff said...

"actions speaks louder than words."

Yes, they do. Nice to see you writing again Anu.

10:24 PM, December 16, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Hugs Jeff :)

11:41 PM, December 16, 2005  
Blogger ravali said...

anu just follow your inner child, that will be your guru and your god. trust me, if you just let her take over, she knows best and hell what can go wrong. and if some mistakes do happen, who can blame a child?

1:23 AM, December 17, 2005  
Blogger g said...

Well maybe you are a passive and passionate observer.

6:17 AM, December 17, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

going wrong, making mistakes, changing, trying on new hats, two steps foward one step back, knowing, not knowng...even hate, all comes from the love, love: both the desire to grow, and the pain that comes when we don't.--blue

7:52 AM, December 17, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

ravali - haha yes :D

g - just trying all roads..to reach home g.

blue - so lovely yes 'from desire to grow and the pain which comes when we dont'

11:04 AM, December 17, 2005  

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