Name:
Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Monday, November 21, 2005

Why didnt you see the humor in it?

I am so embarrassed right now. A part of me wanted to call up R to share this with him and lighten it up. He always has a way with words and i could find something to reassure me in his talks that it was not so bad after all. But he is not responding to the offliners i wrote to him on yahoo which means he is busy. So i let him be.

I frequent this one site which is so full of all things which i dont understand and find it too complex. But i like this guy M who writes this stuff. I feel he has some innate abilities. So i wrote comments to him about my feelings.

This is the story:
Anu: Hey M, i liked what you wrote about health.Any specific thoughts on kidneys or their cure.The docs have diagnosed me with Chronic Renal failure and i am on dialysis since last two years.I am working on my mind to cure this.:) lets see how it all works out. Do let me know if you come up with anything interesting.

M: Anu;I hope you have a quick, and complete recovery with your Chronic Renal Failure. Mind power is strong, and it certainly can’t hurt. I have no medical advice to offer. I’m not a doctor, but sometimes I play one in my blog. I’ll respond to your other comments here as well. JK has his own blog, I highly recommed it, as it’s one of my favorites. As for my abilities, I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about. I’m just a weirdo. Strange things happen around me. It’s really not an ability, it’s a condition.Please, by all means, frequent my blog. I’m glad you like it.One last thing - Is Anu your real name? I don’t know if you’ve read any Z Sitchin, but it’s an interesting name to say the least.

A: Thanks for responding Mccoy.I don't think you are a weirdo, i feel you connect with yourself deeply.BYW, i like your paintings. They have an aura of their own and they are so original and creative.Thanks for your recommendation, i will frequent jk's blog too.Yes, anu is my real name. What is a Z Stichin? maybe i will google it :)

jk: The comments by anu are even more "cryptic" than this shit called "Luciferin" you've stumbled upon. Lucfiferin? WTF?I am thinking some sort of a Turing algorithm or bot here. Becuase I cannot, for the life of me fathom what is happening, and why anu is asking you for hints on what he should do about his renal failure. Brave new world indeed.

M: What? So from what I just looked up, you’re saying Anu could be an interactive quantum algorithm? Does this have anything to do with your thought experiments?Hey Anu, are you an algorithm? And are you geographically situated in, or around Bombay? I hear that’s where the quantum chaos servers are all set up (great tech support in India).

jk:Well posed question to "anu" McCoy. But I am afraid this only deepens the mystery should anu respond. Or perhaps doesn't.I guess I am only saying that there are spam bots everyday which get past my filters even though I train the algorithms of spam detection to work for me.So for instance, as if there were any other instance to talk about, "anu" bringing up "renal failure" and what you may or may not know about it stems from one of these three possibilities as far as I see it:A) Anu is serious about his need for your help and thus, obviously did not read the post as his question has nothing to do with the subject matter.B) Anu is a trickster or troll. This being probably the most paranoid of all possible explanations.C) Anu is a bot that culls the web for info and tries out what it has learned.And really there should be a "D" in this too. This could be anything. I'm in no state to say. However, I do believe, anything is possible. And this, like everything else, makes perfectly no sense.And uhhhh, now I feel like my brain is about to 'splode.

jk: he more I think about it, the more I chalk it up to the blindness of this medium. In the same way it is said that sarcasm cannot be done on a thread forum, I suppose the same applies here. Nor can broken conventions in syntax, vocab or "netiquette" be done either. You're right about the thought experiment thing though McCoy. I can't seem to be able to get my mind off of what AI portends. It's everywhere now. No offense to Anu or the "AI" meant. It's just, I can't tell. I can merely assume. I get off the cuff comments like this myself. I usually zap 'em with my own personal algorithims. Then I automate the algorithms so I don't have to worry my pretty little mind over them. And then, I wind up going through the spam trap to see what my defensive AI missed. It does miss from time to time. As do I.Everything, in other words, is complexifying to overcome the built in, embedded natural defenses. For I already rely on software to make it so that I do not have to see or experience what other software has produced. For some reason, I see this method as going nowhere fast.

M: I’m not at all concerned what Anu (or yourself for that matter) may or may not be, or what the intent is. I’m saying “Yes, by all means come into my realm, I’ll take whatever you have to offer”. I’m an omnivore. I’m going to take whatever momentum you have, amplify it, and recycle it. Thank you for your time and energy, I will find a way to capitalize on it. That’s not to say I’m keen on exploitation, but I am very much about symbiosis.You can spend a lot of energy resisting things JK, but as they say - Resistance is futile! Are you serious about having personal algorithms and defensive AI implemented for your site? Jeez, that sounds like a lot of work to prevent off the cuff comments that so many people seem to enjoy.Hey, I just thought of something interesting. Following the “as above, so below” line of logic, try looking at humans as a type of AI created to serve the “gods”, and then we got all out of control, started invading their dialogue until they decided to drown the pesky weaving spiders. But, Enki (Prometheus, Jesus, Lucifer, etc..) loved his troublesome little human spiders so much that he saved some, though his bro Enlil, wanted them wiped out completely. Of course Enki and Enlil were Anu’s sons.BTW, I think Anu is a nice lady who’s a bit disconcerted, but thrilled by the attention you’ve given her.

jk:The "defenses" I have for my site and my own computers are just simple spam blockers

M: The spam score stuff blew right over my head. I’m glad I don’t understand it. I use Norton anitspam, and I will not be doing any extrapolations of my own for quite some time. The whole Transhumanism thing (I suppose the “serious games" could be called such) just creeps me out, I want nothing to do with it. I’m glad I didn’t get a computer until I turned 30. I’m happy I didn’t spend my roaring twenties in front of a monitor.Ever deeper into matter - Coagula.

Anu: Hey guys! I am a not a bot and certainly not disconcerted. And i am surprised at the judgements and perceptions you two have been building up sitting in this hole.I have my own blog and i am real. I am a girl in my twenties and living and working in Bombay. I do have a permanent kidney failure and i am on dialysis twice a week. I have not been able to visit you not becoz i am fake or i dont have the courage, but becoz i have to be hospitalised for 14 hours a week and huge needles are put on my arms and a machine acts as my kidney. And the balance days i work, i have been making great presentations and i may be asked by my company to visit LA soon. I draw, paint and write. I have scars on my arms friends, none on my soul and my spirit.I was fascinated by your blog maccoy, so i dared to comment what i really felt. I shared with you my personal details becoz i thought i understood your innate abilities.I am not fascinated any more. Right now i am feeling hurt reading all this empty shit written about me here.I am much more than a silly bot trying to gain your attention jk. I dont need it jk. I know i am a special girl and i will be forever.

M: Hey Anu;It’s seems the context of our dialogue has completely escaped you. There is nothing here but humor. NO ONE SAID YOU DON’T HAVE COURAGE, NOR WAS SUCH INSINUATED. I think your special. I think everyone’s special. No one judged you, we don’t know you.I said: “I think Anu is a nice lady”So JK was speculating about you being a bot. I’m really surprised you didn’t find this hysterical, and even play it up. Why didn’t you think that was funny?I’m sorry you felt the need to turn our light-hearted shenanigans into a personal attack. It’s all in your head. I think you’ve made your own judgments an perceptions here.All the best.

Anu: Nice qs: "Why didnt i think that was funny?" That hit me.Probably becoz i have actually undergone a lot of verbal abuse and criticism . That resulted in a lack of self confidence, self love and a feeling of worthlessness. Which is the reason for my kidney failure.I am still undoing all of this Mccoy. And I am shocked at the way i can interpret things and my beliefs.I could not see the humour at all.Gosh! i have no idea where to begin to clear all this mess.

I have simply messed it all up havent i? Why am i so hyper sensitive. I think i have an emotional sickness.
Why could i not see the humor in it? I am so embarrassed. I want to cover my face up and vanish.

Can you see the humor in it? I will like to invite comments on this post. I think i need help!!!

2 Comments:

Blogger McCoy said...

Anu,

Your blog is sensational.

Sorry it’s taken me nearly two months to check it out. I didn’t see a blog listed on your profile page when I first looked (around the time of this post).

Hope the new year finds you in good health.

1:25 PM, January 06, 2006  
Blogger anu said...

Really? you think it makes any sense at all. Most of it contains outbursts of feelings..when i am on the mountain tops of joy and valleys of depression.

Basically, it is filled with my whiny shit.

But the funny thing is, when i let it out here, sometimes it disintegrates into thin air. Sometimes of course, it is still hidden somewhere deep down and surfaces later.

Happy new year Mccoy :) And thank you for visiting here.

8:09 PM, January 06, 2006  

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