Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Thursday, November 03, 2005

truth about me

I had a hard time today trying to put page numbers in a pdf document. R proabably spent $50 in trying to help me out. He is a cutie..:) Everyone was so cooperative today. Ni spent hours trying to crack that package. P was nice to me. And most importantly i wrote to G in LA about my project so that he does not feel i have delayed it. And Ass my exboss has his ass on fire becoz his department will be audited soon...hurray.

I am having some really lovely delightful conversations with R. He read my blog. And told me i need to work on my beliefs of feeling "worthless" and "jealousy". I liked that. I am always open to improvement. I hope D never reads my blog and if she does she does not hate me for what i have written. I have nothing against her. I love her as a person and like her very much. The feelings of anger and jealousy expressed here are to bring it out in the open and not aimed at her personally. I exchanged a nice mail with her. So that feels good.

You know what? All this stuff i am writing here is straight from my heart. I am not mincing any words or trying to please anyone here. If anything, i will probably displease and be banned by many who read all this. I am doing this to clean myself. And see? so much of shit is coming out.

My hand is badly bruised today becoz the needles have been pricked so hard, the skin is all broken and tearing out. Its looking scary ....yikes i am not looking at it, i better focus on the blog.

Everyone has been complementing me on my looks lately...many have told me i look incredible and gorgeous. Funny you know? i look the same, if there is any change its in my attitude. Strange how a change in attitude and perception can directly affect the way others percieve us.

Life is so beautiful now. I want my kidneys to heal. If LA likes the documentation at work they may invite me to America. Then for the first time i will be able to see that country. From the time i have met R, America means a lot to me as i have seen a lot of that country from his eyes.

Its 2:19 am here :) and i am busy updating my blog as if this were the most important thing in the world. I wonder am i doing all this for attention from you guys who are reading it ? Or do i genuinely want to express myself and from there move on to a greater awareness? The truth is i have not yet overcome the approval seeking mentality. Every day i come home and see if anyone has left any comments for me (as if they really cared huff).

But what the fuck? I am what i am. And if i just see my own lil truth then thats my enlightenment, not a halo around my head!!!


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