Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Monday, November 21, 2005

Day 1: True Dream from Gates of Horn

Yesterday night i had a little difficulty in going to sleep. I had that an embarrassing encounter with Mccoy and jk, where i totally misunderstood their humor as a personal attack and later took refuge under my failed kidneys when they confronted me about it. I was trying to laugh it out, though it almost chocked me. When i closed my eyes to sleep at 2:45 am, i still had the mails, comments haunting me like they were all so real.

If you are wondering whats all this huge fuss about a blog and a few comments? Long ago i realised that every experience is valid and teaches us a LOT, if we care to learn.

I am sensing, i am into many courses recently. And each of my encounters is to teach me something. My time has come to break through and to break free from my limiting beliefs. And hence i can sense the pace of my learning quickening. I am really excited about all this. I can feel that these are very valuable lessons i am learning here.

Okay so coming back to the dream. I kept repeating to myself as i drifted off to sleep:
"I want a true dream from the Gates of Horn to harmonize portions of my self."
Though a part of me felt that was such a forced statement. At that moment, what i really wanted to know was: Why coudnt i see the humor in Mccoy's and jk's comments? And does that take me to the distorted portions of my self? How do i integrate all of this in my experience and learn from it fast, without having to go through the hyper sensitive feelings about it? I would think this and go back to my dream and repeat that sentence in blue again.

I remember waking up numerous times in half sleep-half awake states in the night, to check if i had any true dream from the Gates of Horn. And i had none or thats what i thought at least, becoz when i woke up, i could not catch any threads of dreams i could have been dreaming.

Normally when i wake up, i can remember the fag end of the dream and if i persist and immediately spend a few moments really focussing on it, then i can clearly recollect most of the dream. Sometimes i have also held the dream sequence in my head and drifted in that state while i go physically and use the loo and then go back to sleep. These were times when i was actually enjoying the state or events in dream and i consciously choose to drift in that state for an extended period of time without breaking the dream sequence. This happens mostly during dialysis, when i get most of my deep dreams and the technician or the nurse wakes me up after every one hour to check my blood pressure.

So again, coming back to last night's dreams. I also woke up catching myself still pondering over the issues of last night's moments about the blog and something about my kidneys. And even though i was in half sleep state, i clearly remember i repeated in my mind, that i want a true dream from the Gates of Horn. Which means i was trying to brush aside certain thoughts from my mind. This went on throughout the night, many times.

The alarm rang at 6:30 am. I woke up eagerly to catch myself dreaming a true dream from the Gates of Horn. But i didnt have any at all. Or thats what i thought. The lazy me wanted to sleep some more, so i switched off the alarm. But something in me, woke me up again at 6:45 am and i was up.

Now why didnt i have any true dream?

I have a feeling, i wanted to so catch the dream and make sense out of it, and interpret it, that i never slept throughout the night. Which could be the reason why each time i woke up even though i was sleeping, i was like all alert with my antennas's high up to record any glimpses of my true dream from the Gates of Horn.

Or it could be that: the embarrassing experience of Mccoy's blog, was playing on top of my mind. I wanted to understand the underlying reasons behind it and clear the mess in my head and then with the concerned people. And when i woke up today morning and came to my computer, i read R's comments and that made a lot of sense to me. Next i went to Mccoy's blog and read what he had to say. And i consider that matter closed now and the lesson learnt (hopefully). If you are interested in visiting the Mccoy's blog, it is:

Or thirdly, on a lighter note, the Gates of Horn are so eager to send me off to work so that i reach on time on a Monday morning, that they decided to throw all their efforts into waking me up at early and i can see the tremondous struggle they underwent between 6:30 am and 6:45 am (that was when i switched off my alarm clock, to catch two winks more).

Well, is there a third insight you see in here R? Please throw some light, if and when you have the time and energy. R is writing a book and all i can tell you is it is magical.

Meanwhile, boy am i glad that i am feeling so fresh, upbeat and cheerful today morning. And i am so glad to be alive here and learning. I am beginging to like myself. Anu....mmm....not bad at all!

Okay today night, i shall try the true dream from Gates of Horn again. Meanwhile i shall get on with my waking experiences, now the Gates are urging me to strip nude and run to bath lest all their efforts go waste..hehe :)


Blogger Jeff said...

Anu, what is the name of the Indian goddess of sex/love? She has 8 arms I believe...

Can you help? Thanks!

8:25 AM, November 22, 2005  
Blogger Jeff said...

So glad you're dreaming...

8:25 AM, November 22, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

Hi Jeff :)

I am so delighted to see you here Jeff. Thank you for visiting my blog.

The Indian goddess you are talking of may be "Durga" or "Kali" (in feirce form).

Kali, the black one- goddess of sex, death and destruction who takes you above fear of death and brings you to transcendental freedom. Her sit is Muladhara Chacra, center of the most powerful sexual energy. She is feirce when something on her way, but kind to her lovers; she is the Kundaliny serpent at the source.

Hope this helps :)

8:04 PM, November 22, 2005  
Blogger anu said...

I am trying to get answers in my dreams Jeff.

So many questions here :)

Many Thanks for adding me to your blog rolls too. You are probably the first person to add me and i am kind of thrilled about that.

8:24 PM, November 22, 2005  
Blogger Jeff said...

Yes, it did help, thank you!

11:13 PM, November 23, 2005  

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