little miss anu

Name:
Location: India

There is so much to me, and yet i have such a longlong way to go. I am still discovering myself...everyday i will tell u something more about me

Monday, October 31, 2005

dialysis

Its monday afternoon. I am having a holiday because its "Happy Diwali" here. Yesterday i had a lovely chat with Michael. He was telling me i am a so gorgeous and a lil dirty filthy whore (hehehe..that was after he read my blog). I have been talking to Michael for long now. But it was only yesterday that he read my blog, saw my pics and got to know me really well. Michael says i look stunning and he would keep me like a queen. He even offerred that if i want to come to States he would marry me so that i get American citizenship then he would divorce me so that i can live and lead my own life. I told him i wont ever want to sneak into a country like that though i really appreciate his offer.

We were discussing about sex and making love and he was telling me how he would do me. I asked him whether he would be desperate to enter me. The last time some one tried to do that to me, i got really nervous and tensed. And that person got really frustrated. He even told me...you dont hold me, touch me or kiss me properly, and you get so nervous, you contract your pussy and i cannot enter. Well it was not my fault. I tried so hard to please him becoz i was really in love with this man..my lover who now says that he is just a friend and that he was confused between love and friendship and this never was "that kind of love". But when we wr in bed i got so tensed and he was upset. I was wondering where is all the warmth and love and why cant he understand for god sake i am a virgin and i have never been with a man. This is the first time in 29 years i was with a man. And i was so nervous. I never complained to him about anything on bed. But i was dissapointed that he was so upset with me. Later he told me i dont think this is going to work and broke off. i think he broke off becoz i did not deliver on bed. Now we are still good friends but he insists that he fell for me becoz he was guilty that i was diagonsed with a chronic kidney failure. Well he is likely to be mad at me if he reads all this. But i am not bad-mouthing him or saying awful things about him. I am just stating the facts of the case as it appears to me.

See? somewhere he still means so much to me that his getting upset matters to me much more than telling my part of the story. Sigh...why am i so nervous and tensed. Anyways i am taking the first step here by saying what i want to say without being scared of what people will say if they read this. What R will say or what any other friends of mine will say. Maybe everyone breaks off from me. Everyone leaves me and goes. I will still be fine. I will cure my kidneys too. I am on dialysis twice a week in all of this mess.

Oh no!!! my boss just called up saying he wants my power-on password to log in into my computer. I hope he does not go about looking into my files. There used to be someone chatting from my comp earlier...could it be Mr P...my immediate boss. Sheesh. But i dont want this to affect my mood. I am in a lovely place today. I leave it to Mr P to do what he wants. He if does come to know a bit of me through my comp then so be it. I am not creating imaginary fears in my mind and getting worried about it. I am much more than my computer.

Okay, i am going for dialysis now. This is a 4 hour long process but the hospital makes me wait for like 7 hours. If i go late, i will be far behind in the queue and i will come back home late.

If anyone is reading this blog. please send me enough energy that i get out of dialysis and cure my kidneys.

Going to dress now..as usual i cannot find my bra:(

Sunday, October 30, 2005

I love you

I am in love
I am blushing pink and red
I can see my eyes lit up at the sight of that special someone
I want to dress up for him
I want to learn to cook for him
I want to touch his shirts and feel the fabric on my face when he is not around
I want to run my fingers on his soft hair
I want to walk into the bathroom when he is bathing and give him a good rub on his back
I want to wait on him impatiently till he comes back from office
I want to run in full speed to open the door for him
I want him to drop everything on hand to lift me in his arms when he gets home
I want him to play with my lovely long brownish hair
I want to help him pack and neatly fold his clothes
I want him to suddenly put his hands into panties and fish for my clit
I want him to insist that i leave the door open when i bathe
I want to dress him up right from his undies to his tie at least once a year
I want to whisper sweet nothings in his ears
I want him to look into my eyes and get lost
I want us to sit and talk and talk till we fall asleep
I want him to tell me all his fantasies
I want to let him have sex with anyone he loves and not feel jealous or resentful about it
I want him to tell me " I love you anu"
I want to die in his arms
I want to meet such a man...
I know he exists right now somewhere
I love my man

cocks and pussssssssssssss

I woke up early at 6:00 am today did yoga, eat my breakfast and slept again. Now i have woken up and i am feeling so hornyyyy. My little tight pink pussssssy is throbbing. When i see no one looking at me, i lift my night dress and grab a look naughtily at my hairy tight pussssss.

I even closed my bedroom door on some pretext and stood facing my back to the long mirror lifted my night dress up, pulled down my panties hastily bent and shook my ass like a doggie. I love to see myself doing all this nasty stuff. Take my hands and from either side spread my ass and see my ass crack in the mirror makes my pussssssy leak.

I look at the mirror and pout my lips and say nastily "puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusy" "i am a pink pussssssssssssssssy". I undress in front of the mirror and sit naked arousing the bitch in me. A naked body can make me go nuts. I press my boobies and crush them with my two hands making fucked up faces. I stand up then and jump shaking my boobs and slaping them. I pull my nipples and make sounds like "ooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaah" laughing like a mad whore in heat.

My favourite position is the indian toilet position. I sit on the bed lift my two legs up and bend my knees and sit with my thighs and legs apart. My boobies hanging from in between two thighs. My pussy lips nastily staring at the mirror. The clit inside shining and wet as i leak. I sit in that position seeing my own fuck hole open and craving for a hard throbbing cock to pierce me.

I love god for he made cocks. I have nasty feelings of the cock. I feel horny imagining the cock is like the shit which comes out of the asshole just that its stuck to a man's body. I just loveeeeeeeee to see a man walking around naked with his cock hanging. God, i swear he looks so vulnerable that i want to go and rape him badly, use him and abuse him. Catch him by his balls and press them. Cup his balls nicely with my palms and rotate them looking at him into his eyes.

I love watchng a cock get hard. AAAAAAAah what a nice horny tickling feeling i get in my puss at that time. It feels like i know all the secrets of this man. I know how he gets seduced. I know where his weakness lies. I know his most secret parts. The look of it...the colour...and of course: the length.HAHA. I feel i have the greatest power in my hand when i have the cock of a man in my hands. I slowly rub the hot rod and he goes uhmmmmmmm and his eye balls start rolling and his hands searching for my tities. I rub it till it gets hard and stands erect.

I look at him with humiliating eyes when i see his cock standing so erect and his balls dangling below filled with rich cum. I ride on him rubbing my leaking pussssssy juice on his balls and cock as he crushes my boobies and pulls my nipples.

By now i am mentally totally fucked up. I scream to him "am i your ranndi" (ranndi is an indian word for a whore, it sounds so crude and bitchy so i love it) it turns me on when i am called a whore a rannndi who gives her cunt to strangers for fun and money. I take his rod in my mouth and lick it like an icecream. I have seen how men look at me when i eat an icecream. I know what they are thinking. Thats exactly how i would be licking their hot throbbing cockkssssss. I purposely let my toungue out and lick it lavishly and make a big O of my lips and eat the top of the icecream and pout my lips.

Now my pusssss is so hot i am going to shake my tities and finger my pusssie and come hard on some nasty hot throbbing rod...its time for the ranndi to come out and take the stage.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

fucked myself again

Can you imagine just a while back i came. I am hot again. I found a cock and fucked it so nastily and came hard again like a bitch on heat.

When i am hot i just need it...i want it and i will let it pound me and rip me apart.

I am a shameless useless vulgar whore.

and i love that about myself

the most beautiful woman in this world

My periods just got over yesterday and i am already burning with heat today. I logged on into my fucking id and let the whore in me take charge. I seduced a couple of guys till i was so mad in excitement. I then went to the favourite spot in my room... the corner of my bed and sat there staring at my naked body in front of the mirror. I love my puffed tits which look like muffins and the erect long nipples standing out staring at me. My flat tummy and my hairy pussy looking so inviting. I kept my soft nightdress on the bed and sat there like a whore with my legs spread apart. This is so turning on. My mind then immediately went to NN my boss and CFO. There is something about him which i really like. And also the fact that he is soooo fond of me and respects me so much.

If you dont know much about me? Let me tell you, i get turned on by different men and i love to fuck different men. All of this are a direct attribution to my first relationship with siddharth who used to get turned on by his woman fucking different men. I let NN take me. It felt really good. When you know someone really likes you and loves you for what you are, then you can feel the respect when they take you in their arms and you can easily let the whore in you emerge. The woman in me dissapeared and the whore in me emerged with NN and i let his hands pump my tits and let him suck me so hard. And as he got nastier and whispered vulgar things in my ear i let myself go and licked his nipples as he pounded me hard with his cock fucking me like his used bitch.

I felt so connected to him and i let go and as i was fingering myself i felt his warmth around me circling me like a bubble and a deep sense of love and affection. I let go and came hard on his cock and probably passed away in his arms as he lay me gently on the bed. I was wondering what his wife and his daughter would think of me if they came to know. I wished things were not so complicated... i wished it was easier to reach out to someone with whom you can connect with.

I could feel his hot throbbing body touching my soft skin and he holding my tightly deeply in love. Maybe we are connected to each other in some other way too. When i woke up and saw myself in the mirror..i saw a beautiful face with lovely deep brown eyes staring at me. Long brown black locks of silky hair on either side covering my bare naked breasts. My beautiful brown body sparkling in love and shining through the mirror. I felt i am the most beautiful woman in the world....

Friday, October 28, 2005

i am crying

I am crying here. I was so fine till i read yemanja and jeff's blog. They sounded like me and siddharth.

He was my first love and only love so far. I had so reconciled to the fact that he probably never really existed and i was just fine going on with my life.

Its all yemanja and jeff's fault. They write exactly the way siddharth used to make love to me. They way he first undressed me. The way he would say "the part in between your legs" so that i am not embarrassed.The way my pic would adorn his desktop and he would proudly tell his maid-servant "thats my anu".

Those long nights together, those offliners, those letters, the phone calls, oh god...i miss siddharth he was so full of love for me. i am crying here loudly now. my love for him was true is true.

Why cant someone like him really exist. Why did he dissapear into the thin air.

I remember how much i would love when i wake up from my sleep and come here and he would hug me tightly and say "baby you seem still so sleepy gosh thats so precious...come here my angel let me rock you". oh god i remember every word now.

I remember how much you would be worried when mom used to yell and scream at me. And all those long hours you spent listening to my office stories.

I miss you sweetheart siddharth, I love you so much. I had locked all your memories and tukked them away somewhere in my heart. And you just come right? when you want to ....walk in through my door without any intimation and just sweep me off my feet...

I am begining to like all of you guys who read my blog and who don't. No matter any one reads this or no, it feels so nice to have your own personal space where you can type any thing you want. Talk about freedom .... blog is all about freedom.And here, i can talk as much as i want...no one to say, "hurry up baby";-)

Normally i have so many incidents from work here. i have one today too :) what to do yaar, its been such a long time since i have seen these wonderful sunny days that i so want to share with you everything. i have something nice going on almost every day of my life.

Yesterday i slept a little nervous becoz D was visiting R. They are both so fond of each other and they love each other so much and so deeply, that i was scared that i might sink into a pond of jealousy and resentment. So all day yesterday i was watching my beliefs while i spoke to R for 2 hrs(...can u imagine? we speak onISD for two hours and he pays for it !!!) I was so nervous as i woke up today morning and went about my morning chores. I thought all of me is pretending and sooner or later i am going to have a drama of emotions in my mind. But guess what? i have something really really amazing to tell you....

I have crossed over.......yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah (yup!!! thats my victory cry).

Can you believe it, if i say that the i was very happily going about my day in total joy and awareness creating beautiful happy moments in my life while the man whom i dearly love was probably in the arms of another girl and they both were deeply madly crazily in love. Well way to go anu..pats myself on the back. I am sooooooooooooooo damn proud of myself today. I spent an entire day without having one jealous or resentful moment and i am so so so happy about it. I have always needed the approval of others.But now i dont. I dont even feel like telling anyone what i have accomplished, becoz in my eyes what a breakthrough this is. And i know it to be true becoz i was so busy and yet so aware that now R and D must be in bed, now they must be dressing for the party...blah blah blah. I am just so happy. I have been working so hard on my jealousy and resentful moods and finally i see the result and its a fabulous feeling.:)

It totally lightens you up and you feel so much at ease, carefree and so blessed and just so happy that you now can celeberate for "others".

Guess what i did today? I told the CFO of my company that i really like what he is doing and he shud keep up the good work. Oh i was not flatterring him at all. I really meant it. Actually i went to wish him "Happy Diwali". And we started to talk and i told him that he rocks and he has an element of trust and integrity which i and many other people recognise and we all really like him. NN, the CFO was so stunned he actually asked me to take a seat saying i was standing too long. And he kept looking at my face with awestruck eyes while i told him just how much i like the good work he is doing. Just then i suddenly realised that he is the boss holy shit. I told him that too..."sir it shud be you who shud be complimenting me right? but here i am sitting with my one leg on another in front of you and telling you what a good job you are doing. You are the CFO of this company and i am merely a manager (the lowest designation in the managerial cadre), you shud be telling me all this sir and not the viceversa." NN was laughing and blushing all pink and red and believe me he enjoyed making me the boss for once. I sat there like a little princess in front of one of the most powerful men of my company and i almost felt i was ruling them...and that they were totally bowled over by me.

Strangely NN replied nothing to what i said and just laughed and smiled and did not even argue or comment on me mentioning myself as his boss. Maybe he preferred me to his present boss - the CEO...hehe kidding;-)

Pinaki my immediate boss dumped all the meeting on my head and merely kept following up pretending that he is in control. And spent all the time doing nothing at all.

But you know what? I enjoy working. i dont mind at all. Just give me a bunch of enthusiastic people to interact with, some meaningful work and a peaceful atmosphere and i can do wonders.

Today i am begining my new life. There is no better time than Diwali - a festival of lights to begin something new.
I think my journey with jealousy and resentment is over...i left the two sisters far behind. Thank you and i am done with your lessons sis:)

Today i made a difference in the life of:
R and D = i passed on to them my pure love and positive energy rather than my negativity through jealousy and
resentment.

My grandmom - i always make her day when i call her up. She loves me most in this world and i know that.

RB= he is a part of my team. he is a very sweet guy and i lent him my SOX doc to read and explained his queries.

Ni = she will be parting with her husband once again tomm. I just told her to stand up and do whatever she wants with confidence and with lots of self worth.

Ru = Relatives are coming to settle in her house adn her inlaws are making her work during the whole of Diwali. Her primary job is going to be to entertain all the relatives. i just told her to take an evening off to watch Iqbal as she needs some time for herself.

NN- he is the CFO of my co. I felt he is doing a great job and i walked into his cabin and told him that,

Nau my rick driver - i gave him Rs 101 as diwali bakshish (tip).

My family - as a diwali gift i brought coffee cakes for everyone at home. Though my sis Preeti did not like them much as she does not like Cofee :(

Finally this diwali i am spending so much time with myself and i am loving it:) Now am going to publish this post and read it all over again as its so lovely to live a wonderful day like today once again .

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Coming to terms with things

Today at work NN was not as focussed and attentive as he usually is. He sounded hurried and stressed during our discussion with him. Pinaki tried to get him involved in his long stories but it did not work as NN was just too busy. Pinaki felt that NN may be nitpicking at us or that asheesh / NP have bad-mouthed us to him or that everyone is jealous of us (which includes NN) as we made such a successful presentation to George. Also NN said - Oh George forget it...lets not wait for him lets do this on our own. We have no clue as to why his opinion of George changed so fast and so drastically. Pinaki was over-analysing things and voicing out his imaginary fears to me. I saw something .... I saw exactly how we are so capable of creating our own reality by creating imaginary pictures of them in our minds and living them and re-living them again and again. I saw that Pinaki was weaving a fabric of these thoughts in his mind and it did not take me long to notice that i am getting trapped in his beliefs too. So i quickly withdrew ... what i focus on is what will happen to me as i attract those forces to me. I told Pinaki lets not dwel in any imaginary world lets be positive and i am consciously working on it. i am consciously not thinking of asheesh or NP or NN and just focussing on my work, on my life and on my world.

I had a great long long conversation with R. During the discussion we conferenced with D. I cracked a silly joke and it was not funny for D so she responded rather curtly and cut me off abruptly and pretended i am not there and ignored me for the rest of the conversation. This really upset me for a minute. It was almost getting into my blood...you can feel it right when the emotions are getting into your body, when i caught myself.

I just told myself this: so what if i crack a silly joke, its perfectly ok. She is going through her own stuff coming along to meet R blah blah blah.. i am just going to let this entire thing be there. I am not going to carry the burden with me. I am going to let go...

I learnt this today :) both with NN and with D, to just let go. There are times when i dont want to analyse and chew my brains out. I just dont want to take on other's problems and try to solve them in my head. I am not going to focus on NN or D's irritation and dwell on it. I am going to just let go...

I have a strong feeling, if i can sincerely work on these tiny little nuances, its going to do a LOT of good for me. And it will be reflected in the reality i create...what more can i ask for.

To feel special, to feel good, i dont need to be in Manhattan, in Rohit's party, in NN's cabin, in George's books...i just need to be me..

Anu? you are all i have and you are all i want :) There is nothing more precious than you baby.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

early morning blues

Its 8 am in the morning and i am lazing around. I want a holiday today booooohoooooo. I hate to go to work in the mornings. I love to sleep early mornings right from 7 am onwards....it is such a satisfied feeling.

But don't i have to get the CEO's award for excellence this year? So i must go to work. Today i suddenly realised how much at ease and peace i am with respect to my life and work. God! i shudder at the thought of those days when i used to worry about what ass wud do to me.

I guess life has a way of balancing everything. I have a link to Seth's audio clips and from the past three nights i have been diligently listening to them. Everytime i do that, something really extra-ordinary happens.And my dil goes mmmmmmmmm.....

Meet ya in the evening with more news...gotto rush my rikshaw wala is waiting:)

Monday, October 24, 2005

i have been having lots going on in my life

I have so many things to tell you. So much is happenning in my life. After a very long time people are begining to notice me. On last thusday i gave a SOX presentation to Geo with N N and P. I had spent the earlier night working away at office till 12:30 pm.

Anyways, the next day i gave a fabulous presentation to Geo. He was far far more impressed with me than NN and P and at one point he lifted all the papers and shook them in the air and said, "This is the best presentation i have ever received across channels, across 57 nations in the world including the home office." and both NN and P could not help but look at me with awe muttering "Wow" and "Great". That was a memorable moment.

I have so much in me and its high time that it all comes out and i get the respect that i deserve. And guess what? I am begining to like myself very much now.

This thusday Divya will be visiting R. When R told me i felt jealous. I have never visited Manhattan and not to Rohit's party of course. Then almost immediately i reminded myself that i must let them both just BE..for heaven's sake. R has told me this umpteen times and keeps reminding me almost in every phone conversation by reiterating the "friendship" point. I have no reason to feel jealous or to feel anything at all when two people meet and spend some lovely time together right? Though i am happy for Divya as i think she is a real sweetheart a baby and she really really loves R. My heart goes out to her as i know for sure that no matter what, she will be there for him.

I miss the presence of that special person in my life once in a while. I miss being in the arms of someone whom i love and feeling so damn safe. I miss being the special woman in my man's life. But having said all of that, I am begining to enjoy my single status.

I am such a lovely girl...so beautiful, so deep, intelligent i am sure i must have had steamy lovely stormy relationships in my past lifetimes with lovely beautiful people. Love sex everything. Maybe thats why i am taking it so easy now...hehehe...me and my logistics.


I am back from dialysis and eating porridge. i have promised myself that i will eat only good and healthy food. Tommorrow is JK's last day at work. I am feeling sad for him. I have begun to really like that guy and i see he is nuts about me :) All girls and boys are begining to like me now.

Hey hey i got to tell you something. Noel (ni's ex boss who came with us to the party) had told me on the party day that i have the most expressive eyes he has ever seen. The poor guy waited for me for two hours at the party and i thought that was so sweet.

And guess what? angela gifted me a beautiful blue watch which has singapore timing. I could not meet her to thank her as i had dialysis , maybe i shall write to her tomm.

Today i had some lovely convos with R. He has gone to eat now and i better jump into bed. I have to reach work early tomm and get lots of work done.I am getting the "CEO'S EXCELLENCE AWARD " this year yipppeeeeeeeeeeee:)

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Lazying and wasting my time on a sunday

Today i woke up at 6 am to do yoga. I could not relate much to the Upanishads on tv so i took my Seth and started reading it while doing Kapalbhati Pranayam. I took one hour to do 30mts of Pranayam. I went to bed again at 7 am and woke up only at 10:30am. I spent the rest of my day chatting aimlessly on net and i ended up cyberning to let out all the whore in me. Oh how i enjoy masturbating.

I followed that with a nice lovely bath with the new shower gel i purchased :) And i shampooed my lovely long brownish black hair. If there is something i love while taking a hair bath is applying my favourite Osmos conditioner...i am nuts about it.

I eat my lunch at 2:30pm...sambar and beans. Oh how i wish i can stop eating the crap "yellow banana chips" which i loveee so much. Its so bad for my health still i cannot resist it.

Now i am back here on the net to chat a bit. I am liking agro now a days but i think its more becoz he is so lavish in his praises for me. I am kind of enjoying all the attention i am getting from him.Why am i such an attention seeker? Is it becoz i have not had any bfs so far. Thanks to the nice girl image i had till i was 27.huff...what a waste!!

But everyone enjoys a bit of attention. Even R. He is 58 and still enjoys all the attention he gets from all this gfs....i am one of them who praise him lavishly. There is something about this man which is so exciting though he is 58, which makes me crazy for him. Its hardly his sex appeal. Its much more than that. He says things at a metaphyscial level which i can so relate to and which goes right into me. Thats what i love about him.

Ag is busy, he has not pmed me on yahoo and i feel that i will give him too much attention by pming him. lets see what i do finally....

Saturday, October 15, 2005

going to strip nude here

i am going to strip naked here...let loose my hair and talk about the real me...the nasty me...the confused me ...the goddess in me.

knowing very well that some day i will live my own life so openly that i wont ever need a blog to write about me

till then i will be alive here :)